The Story of Us - Part 10
Once the ward activity was over, I was still in such a crazed emotional buzz that I didn't want to go home quite yet. I really just needed to talk to someone before all my emotions burst out of me. So I hung around and asked Sydney if she could give me a ride home. At her house, we sat on her bed, and I kind of fell apart. Tears were streaming down my face as I bubblered through all that had happened, and Sydney just listened and let me cry it out.
The more I talked, though, the more I started to overthink everything and soon I was telling myself that I didn't really like Josh, and that I was just jealous of Tiffany. Luckily, Sydney didn't believe a word of that and told me I needed to just meet up with Josh sometime and talk with him about everything. That thought terrified me and I probably wouldn't have done it, were it not for Sydney. She grabbed my phone, and as I half-attempted to stop her, she sent Josh a message asking if we could talk. Once I started walking home though, I chickened out, and sent Josh another message saying "Nevermind."
About an hour or so later, Josh finally responded back saying he had been playing volleyball, but that he was available to talk now. I again told him, nevermind, explaining that Sydney was the one who had sent that message.
The next day was Tuesday, which is devotional day at BYU-Idaho, and as usual, Josh came to sit by my roommates, my brother and I. Josh sat next to me, and though he didn't say anything, I could tell he really wanted to talk to me about the day before.
When Josh knows that someone is upset with him, or they have something to say, but aren't saying it, his whole body expresses his concern. He's a little more quiet, and he glances at you frequently, his blue eyes filled with a mix of concern and almost sadness. He has his whole body turned towards you, as if on edge, dying to talk to you but holding back, waiting for you say something first.
I wasn't ready to talk though. I tried to act as if nothing was different, but it was hard. Josh wouldn't stop giving me that look. When devotional was over, he even followed me halfway to class, silently trying to get me to talk. When he finally turned to go home, he stopped me and told me that he was always there to talk whenever I needed to. I nodded, and turned to go to class, my head whirling with the desire to turn around and just let everything that I was feeling come out, but I couldn't get myself to do it - I was too nervous.
I didn't know what to do. So I did what most girls will do - I went to my roommates. Well, they kind of came to me. They all could tell that something was up, so they asked me what was going on. I didn't really know how to explain the situation, so I ended up just handing my phone to Allison so she could read my conversation with Josh from Sunday night. I couldn't look at them while she read, so I just lied face-down on the floor listening. They were pretty quiet, and all they could tell me was what I already knew - I needed to just talk to him.
So Thursday afternoon, I sent Josh another message, asking if he was free that night. He had to work that night, so we planned to meet at Porter Park around 10.
The more I talked, though, the more I started to overthink everything and soon I was telling myself that I didn't really like Josh, and that I was just jealous of Tiffany. Luckily, Sydney didn't believe a word of that and told me I needed to just meet up with Josh sometime and talk with him about everything. That thought terrified me and I probably wouldn't have done it, were it not for Sydney. She grabbed my phone, and as I half-attempted to stop her, she sent Josh a message asking if we could talk. Once I started walking home though, I chickened out, and sent Josh another message saying "Nevermind."
About an hour or so later, Josh finally responded back saying he had been playing volleyball, but that he was available to talk now. I again told him, nevermind, explaining that Sydney was the one who had sent that message.
The next day was Tuesday, which is devotional day at BYU-Idaho, and as usual, Josh came to sit by my roommates, my brother and I. Josh sat next to me, and though he didn't say anything, I could tell he really wanted to talk to me about the day before.
When Josh knows that someone is upset with him, or they have something to say, but aren't saying it, his whole body expresses his concern. He's a little more quiet, and he glances at you frequently, his blue eyes filled with a mix of concern and almost sadness. He has his whole body turned towards you, as if on edge, dying to talk to you but holding back, waiting for you say something first.
I wasn't ready to talk though. I tried to act as if nothing was different, but it was hard. Josh wouldn't stop giving me that look. When devotional was over, he even followed me halfway to class, silently trying to get me to talk. When he finally turned to go home, he stopped me and told me that he was always there to talk whenever I needed to. I nodded, and turned to go to class, my head whirling with the desire to turn around and just let everything that I was feeling come out, but I couldn't get myself to do it - I was too nervous.
I didn't know what to do. So I did what most girls will do - I went to my roommates. Well, they kind of came to me. They all could tell that something was up, so they asked me what was going on. I didn't really know how to explain the situation, so I ended up just handing my phone to Allison so she could read my conversation with Josh from Sunday night. I couldn't look at them while she read, so I just lied face-down on the floor listening. They were pretty quiet, and all they could tell me was what I already knew - I needed to just talk to him.
So Thursday afternoon, I sent Josh another message, asking if he was free that night. He had to work that night, so we planned to meet at Porter Park around 10.
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