Here is Good

After my FHE shenanigans, I was very nervous about being around or talking to Josh. I could almost guarantee he had seen through my plan, and I wasn't sure if he liked it or not, and so I didn't want to do anything too crazy that might scare him away. But to my surprise, despite the awkwardness that had happened, things were pretty good between us! Josh and I ended up talking, chatting on Facebook, or seeing each other in person almost every day, and it was often him who would start a conversation. It usually would only be for a little bit since we both (mainly me) had such busy schedules, but it was still something. At the end of that second week of the semester, Josh and his roommate Todd came over to my house so I could see if I could wrap his ankle (I had recently taken a sports medicine class). I wasn't able to since I realized that I didn't have the right kind of tape, but they ended up staying and chatting for a while anyway. I asked Josh why he needed his ankl...

I'm just not good at staying mad at people. It just takes too much effort to keep up the cold shoulder and the pretending like I don't care. So eventually I give up. Remember how I was really mad at Josh and was totally fine not talking to him again? Yeah, that lasted a solid two days once we both were back at school. By that Tuesday, I was over not being friends and so I cautiously sent him a text to see if he wanted to sit with my friends and I at devotional, since that's what he did all Winter semester. I wasn't all that surprised, though, when he replied that he was going to sit with his girlfriend instead, but thanked me for the offer. A few hours later, I was heading home from work, when I got another text from Josh. I was surprised, but even more surprised by what he told me. He said that he no longer had a girlfriend. I didn't quite know to say because I didn't quite understand why he had told me. But I won't deny that I had a little bit more ...

Thursday night, Josh and I met up in the park, and we just started walking around, talking about classes and such. I kept trying to think of a good way to start talking about what had happened on Sunday and Monday, but the words just didn't seem to come. Josh either didn't know what to say either or was waiting for me to be the one to start the conversation, so we just kept walking and talking about other random things. I started to talk a little bit about my doubts with going on a mission, but Josh ended up just saying that he knew I was going to be a great missionary. Soon we realized that it was 11:45 and we had to both get home before curfew. Once we got home, however, we both got on Facebook and starting chatting some more. Now that I wasn't face-to-face with Josh, talking became a little easier because I had time to organize my thoughts a little more without the pressure of having Josh right by me. Lame, I know, but for me it worked. I was still trying to figure ...

Once the ward activity was over, I was still in such a crazed emotional buzz that I didn't want to go home quite yet. I really just needed to talk to someone before all my emotions burst out of me. So I hung around and asked Sydney if she could give me a ride home. At her house, we sat on her bed, and I kind of fell apart. Tears were streaming down my face as I bubblered through all that had happened, and Sydney just listened and let me cry it out. The more I talked, though, the more I started to overthink everything and soon I was telling myself that I didn't really like Josh, and that I was just jealous of Tiffany. Luckily, Sydney didn't believe a word of that and told me I needed to just meet up with Josh sometime and talk with him about everything. That thought terrified me and I probably wouldn't have done it, were it not for Sydney. She grabbed my phone, and as I half-attempted to stop her, she sent Josh a message asking if we could talk. Once I started walking h...

You know how sometimes you come across a song that seems that it was written just for you? It almost scarily matches perfectly with what you're going through at that exact moment. It seems to take all of your emotions and crazed thoughts that you don't fully understand, and puts them all together in a little 3 minute package just for you. That was this song for me.                                                                                                                The next day was busy with all of the usual school and homeworkness that comes around finals times, and so I didn't have any time to practice my song until a couple of hours before the ward social was supposed to start. The last time I ha...

This weekend, 50 Shades of Grey  will be opening in theaters, and I've been wanting to share my thoughts on it because the more I think about it, the more I know I need to speak out. No, I have never read the book, and I will never read it. I don't have any desire to read about or watch someone have sex, and there are many movies and books I will never watch or read for that reason. But I know enough to know that what 50 Shades of Grey tries to say about love is wrong. 50 Shades of Grey  has sold millions of copies worldwide and the movie has gained significant attention through the media. But just because it is being portrayed as a steamy, sexy romance that will "spice up your sex life" doesn't hide what it really is: glamorized sexual violence and domestic abuse. The saying that "anything goes behind closed doors" is false. Women do not need to be in pain in order for their husband or partner or any man to gain the pleasure he desires. Violence...

Out in the hall, I didn't waste any time, and taking a deep breath, I asked "So I was just wondering who Tiffany was." Josh got a nervous look on his face and shifted on his feet before answering. I had a feeling in my gut that I knew what the answer was going to be, but I kept foolishly hoping I was wrong. "Well, she's a girl I met at volleyball,  (Please, don't say it. Please, don't say it)  and we've been dating for a few weeks." "Oh... ok." Everything inside of me suddenly felt emptier, slower. I was crushed. And so much more confused. He had still acted like he liked me, and my roommates had told me that he still did... But he really was dating this other girl. Why hadn't he said anything?? I couldn't really think of anything else to say and I just wanted to get away before he could see just how upset I was, so I quickly said goodbye to Josh and went inside. I didn't want to think about what had just happe...

Dating is scary. You meet someone, do some random activity with him, and then if it goes well, you do it again. And then when your heart gets involved - that's when it gets hard. It gets messy. You're holding your heart out to this person and hoping that they will take it and not hurt it. It's a big risk. But we do it anyway because we hope that this time, maybe, just maybe, it will work out.                                                                                                                  As I've mentioned before, dating was never my strong suit. I got nervous enough when a guy asked me on a date, so the fact that I was considering doing the inviting of an activity with Josh was shock...

After Josh and I had our little chat, Josh kept trying to invite me to do things for a couple more days, but eventually stopped. He would still come around to my apartment to hang out and would sit with my roommates and I at devotional  and church every week, but it wasn't nearly as awkward as before because I didn't feel that pressure that I did when he was actively asking me on dates. And like I've said before, Josh was a good friend and so I was glad our dates hadn't ruined that completely. And I turned my attention back to figuring out if I was going to go on a mission. My mind was almost constantly going back and forth about it and I was getting more and more confused, and I couldn't figure out why. I talked with my parents about it, prayed about it, studied the scriptures, read talks, and such, but was still having this persistent confusion. Then one night when I was kneeling on my bed saying a prayer before bed, I was praying about mission stuff again, when...

I've heard a few people say that 23 is just a weird age to be and nothing terribly exciting happens during that year, but for me, 23 was one of the best years ever! To start it off, I started my first job as a full-time nurse at Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center (or EIRMC for short) on the Medical/Oncology floor. I was so excited for this opportunity, but terrified at the same time. I wanted to be a good nurse and to be able to help people. And I hope I have. This job has pushed me to my limits in so many ways, but it has also given me the opportunity to serve people every minute I'm at work. Sometimes it's hard to remember that when the call lights are ringing, you're late giving someone their medication, doctors are calling, family is frustrated at something you have no control over, someone needs help getting up to the bathroom and you haven't been able to chart anything from the past 5 hours of your shift. But this job is worth it all too because I a...