Here is Good

November 8th So I've been meaning to start writing this a couple of weeks ago, but I keep forgetting. BUT, I am dying with holding this wonderful news inside of me: I'M PREGNANT!!!!! This still feels all so unreal, and yet I'm overflowing with joy! Ok, so let me explain how this all came to be. My last cycle started the first week of September, and per Dr. Heiner, I had a big list of labs, tests, and medications to get done. And for some reason, the fact that I was having to go through all of this was extremely overwhelming, and I was an emotional wreck. I'm talking hanging up on Josh, crying through an ultrasound, eating all chocolate in sight kind of wreck. I went through another round of Clomid and had my fallopian tubes checked (which looked great), but I was in such a funk, that I didn't have any hope that this would work. I needed a break. We both did. So we decided that after this cycle, we would take a few months off to recuperate. But I still kept u...

People tell me that I'm so strong, that I'm brave to be going through this. I certainly don't feel that way. When you think of being strong and brave, you think of soldiers and superheros, not girls who have no idea what they're doing, crying on their couch at 10:30 at night. It's hard to be brave when things seem like they're quickly slipping out of your control. It's hard to be brave when everything seems uncertain. It's hard to be brave when it feels like your dream seems to be getting farther away. It's hard to be brave when people who don't know everything make hurtful comments. It's hard to be brave when you feel like your body is betraying you. This is hard.         _____________________________________________________ This past month or so have been some of the most stressful, agonizing weeks I've ever experienced. We've been diving back into the world of infertility-ness, and things have been a little crazy, so...

I guess at this point I should just let you all know, if you’re not interested in hearing the emotional side of Josh Guin, you should stop reading now. (I wouldn’t blame you. I tend to get a little wordy when this happens.) As the first sentence of this post suggests, I’m here to talk about the difficulty of having a baby. Specifically, with my wife and I. I’ve been trying to figure out a good way to cope with it and so far, I really haven’t found anything good. So, here I am at 11:42 pm typing away. I hope that you’ll forgive the scattered nature of this post. I don’t do this sort of thing. Since Alaura and I have started trying to have a child, it has been quite a roller-coaster1 of emotions. As I’m sure many of you have experienced, babies can cause a lot of emotion even before they’re in existence. Happiness, sadness, anger, jealousy, etc. All of these emotions can make life very interesting, to say the least. When I met my wife, she was such a fun loving, caring perso...

Every girl dreams of the day that the man of their dreams would ask her to marry him. Would he give you flowers? Would it be in a crowded restaurant or somewhere private? Would she cry? Go up to any girl and she can tell you instantly what her perfect proposal would be. But no matter how or where or when it happens, it's always perfect because from that moment on you know that you're going to be with the man you love forever.           ___________________________________________________ November 9th, 2013 You may recall that Josh and I had planned to go hike R Mountain that day after we snagged some free lunch on campus (never say no to free food). Then Josh and I jumped in Josh's jeep to head out on our hike. I didn't quite realize it then, but Josh wasn't quite dressed for a steep hike up the back of a mountain: he was wearing one of his favorite nicer shirts and some khaki pants. Me, I was in my comfiest jeans and a sweatshirt. It was a slightly chil...

No matter how long you've been in a relationship with a person, marriage is a huge step. You are committing yourself to another person on a deeper level than just dating them - you are promising to be with them through all the ups and downs that life has to bring. Promising that to be their one and only, promising to be their family and as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I believe that marriage performed in the temple can last not just for this life, but for eternity. It's a beautiful promise. A little overwhelming, but beautiful.             _________________________________________________ So I need to back track in the story a little. As I've mentioned before, by the middle of summer, Josh knew that I was the one he wanted to marry. And per the norm in our relationship, I wasn't quite there yet. I was comfortable in the stage of life that we were in at that time. But Josh was ever patient with me. (Seriously, how did ...

Life after graduation started with a bang with a family reunion and then almost instantly off on my family's trip down to LA and Disneyland. Then it was off to Utah for my grandpa's 85th birthday celebration (which Josh was able to join), back up to Billings to get my stuff, and then heading back to Rexburg to work as an EFY counselor for two weeks. It was all so much fun and the best way to start off being done with school forever! I didn't get to see Josh very much during all of this because I was so busy, and one weekend, he went out of town for his best friend's wedding in Washington. But we were constantly texting, calling, or chatting on Facebook to make up for it. The hardest part about working EFY was that I was staying at an apartment complex right next door to where Josh lived, but I couldn't go see him! Absolute torture! My EFY girls would beg me to bring Josh over, but I instead bribed them with the story about how we met if they got in bed o...

An old roommate of mine had a sign hanging in her apartment in Provo depicting the different stages of love, called The Love Stick. It goes from Limbo (don't like anyone) to Celestial Marriage, with various steps of "like" and "love" in between. Anyone who stopped by was welcome to put their name on a clothespin and place themselves on whichever step they desired. It's pretty well understood that you don't just jump from a crush to loving someone. Some people try to jump straight to the top, while others are perfectly content hanging out on the "crush" phase forever. The bottom few steps are pretty easy to fly through, but the farther up the ladder you go, the harder it can be to distinguish (or admit) to which step you're on. It was safe to say that by the end of June, I was definitely in the "Really Like" with Josh. Every minute in between our crazy school and work schedules was spent with each other, or at least talkin...

In the middle of June, Josh and I went on what is still one of my favorite dates we've done so far. We decided it would be fun to go back to R Mountain and have a picnic, and so on a Saturday afternoon, we packed up some sandwiches in Josh's backpack and headed up the mountain. Once we worked our way over to the R, we set up our little dinner and kept talking. I commented on what a beautiful view of the valley it was, and I started taking some pictures of it on my phone. Josh pulled out his phone too, and said "This is the view I like the most" as he snapped this picture of us: Dang, he was cute :) After we were finished eating, we made our way about halfway back around the top of the mountain when it started to get dark. We found some rocks to sit under and we played with a laser pointer Josh had brought along, tracing the constellations and seeing how far out we could get the light to go. And we just talked for well over an hour before we made the much harder...