The Story of Us - Part 6
After Josh and I had our little chat, Josh kept trying to invite me to do things for a couple more days, but eventually stopped. He would still come around to my apartment to hang out and would sit with my roommates and I at devotional and church every week, but it wasn't nearly as awkward as before because I didn't feel that pressure that I did when he was actively asking me on dates. And like I've said before, Josh was a good friend and so I was glad our dates hadn't ruined that completely.
And I turned my attention back to figuring out if I was going to go on a mission. My mind was almost constantly going back and forth about it and I was getting more and more confused, and I couldn't figure out why. I talked with my parents about it, prayed about it, studied the scriptures, read talks, and such, but was still having this persistent confusion. Then one night when I was kneeling on my bed saying a prayer before bed, I was praying about mission stuff again, when a thought came into my head, "What about Josh?" I stubbornly replied back to my head, "What about him? I don't like him!"
I kept trying to go about things as normal, but that thought would not leave me alone. I started to think about things a little bit more and how I really did like being around Josh. Maybe I did actually like him a little bit? But no, that couldn't be it. It was just that thought I had while I was praying.
Not too much later though started pestering me, we were at devotional and Josh ended up sitting next to me. Throughout the meeting though, he kept pulling out his phone to text someone, and he wasn't very subtle about it either. I kind of glanced over at one point and saw the name of who he was texting - someone named Tiffany (name changed). I was instantly irked. He was here with me and my roommates at devotional, and he was texting some other girl. After devotional, I didn't really say anything to Josh and started heading towards class. Now Josh is pretty perceptive when it comes to other people's moods and he could tell I was grumpy about something. So instead of going home like he normally would, he started walking with me. I still wasn't saying anything and about halfway to my class, Josh finally stopped me and asked if everything was ok, and of course, I said everything was fine. I could tell he wasn't convinced, but he said goodbye and I went off to class.
I was still pretty bugged about it later that day. so I sent Josh a message, asking if I could ask him a question. I didn't know how to ask about Tiffany so I just called him out for texting during devotional. He apologized about it and we moved on to our normal conversations.
The days went on, and by this point, it was mid-March, and so I had been able to spend a lot of time with him. The more I hung out with him, the more I started to like him. I was still in complete denial about it, though, if anyone asked me about it. I don't think they bought my lies though. Josh would still come over and he also started going with me to Stadium Singing (a weekly event at BYU-Idaho where people gather on Sunday nights to sing hymns under the stadium - way fun :) ). Everything seemed to suggest that he still liked me, but I just didn't know. I started being the one to start conversations via Facebook or texting (it was almost always him in the past) and asking how his day was going, but it didn't seem like he was acting any different than before. What I mean is that nothing about his tone in our conversations had changed - he was still the same ol' friendly, nice Josh.
My roommates assured me that he still liked me and a friend suggested that I invite him to do something with me. I've never liked being the invitor for such things, but since I had been the one to shut the door on us dating only a few weeks before, I knew I needed to be the one to try and open it again.
And I turned my attention back to figuring out if I was going to go on a mission. My mind was almost constantly going back and forth about it and I was getting more and more confused, and I couldn't figure out why. I talked with my parents about it, prayed about it, studied the scriptures, read talks, and such, but was still having this persistent confusion. Then one night when I was kneeling on my bed saying a prayer before bed, I was praying about mission stuff again, when a thought came into my head, "What about Josh?" I stubbornly replied back to my head, "What about him? I don't like him!"
I kept trying to go about things as normal, but that thought would not leave me alone. I started to think about things a little bit more and how I really did like being around Josh. Maybe I did actually like him a little bit? But no, that couldn't be it. It was just that thought I had while I was praying.
Not too much later though started pestering me, we were at devotional and Josh ended up sitting next to me. Throughout the meeting though, he kept pulling out his phone to text someone, and he wasn't very subtle about it either. I kind of glanced over at one point and saw the name of who he was texting - someone named Tiffany (name changed). I was instantly irked. He was here with me and my roommates at devotional, and he was texting some other girl. After devotional, I didn't really say anything to Josh and started heading towards class. Now Josh is pretty perceptive when it comes to other people's moods and he could tell I was grumpy about something. So instead of going home like he normally would, he started walking with me. I still wasn't saying anything and about halfway to my class, Josh finally stopped me and asked if everything was ok, and of course, I said everything was fine. I could tell he wasn't convinced, but he said goodbye and I went off to class.
I was still pretty bugged about it later that day. so I sent Josh a message, asking if I could ask him a question. I didn't know how to ask about Tiffany so I just called him out for texting during devotional. He apologized about it and we moved on to our normal conversations.
The days went on, and by this point, it was mid-March, and so I had been able to spend a lot of time with him. The more I hung out with him, the more I started to like him. I was still in complete denial about it, though, if anyone asked me about it. I don't think they bought my lies though. Josh would still come over and he also started going with me to Stadium Singing (a weekly event at BYU-Idaho where people gather on Sunday nights to sing hymns under the stadium - way fun :) ). Everything seemed to suggest that he still liked me, but I just didn't know. I started being the one to start conversations via Facebook or texting (it was almost always him in the past) and asking how his day was going, but it didn't seem like he was acting any different than before. What I mean is that nothing about his tone in our conversations had changed - he was still the same ol' friendly, nice Josh.
My roommates assured me that he still liked me and a friend suggested that I invite him to do something with me. I've never liked being the invitor for such things, but since I had been the one to shut the door on us dating only a few weeks before, I knew I needed to be the one to try and open it again.
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