The Story of Us - Part 15
Ok, I need to back track a little bit in the story. During the week break from school, I had turned my focus back to my mission papers. I had gone through the first parts of the papers fairly quickly in January, but I had let doubts and boys get in the way of finishing up the rest of them. I had spent a lot of time going back and forth and back and forth about it all. Thinking about it. Praying about it. Talking with my parents, friends, and other family. I really wanted to go out and teach people about the gospel that I love so much, but I was also terrified about it. I'm pretty shy at first, and so I was scared about going out to talk to total strangers.
But over the break between semesters in April, I jumped full force back into the mission-mobile. I got my dental examination and set up my physical examination at the Student Health Center on campus for the first day of the semester. I was also in a Mission Prep class for Spring semester, and I was really excited for it! One of my new roommates was also taking the class, and another, a returned missionary herself, told me after only knowing me for a few days that she thought I was going to be a great missionary. My mission prep class quickly became one of my favorite classes. As I studied the scriptures and Preach My Gospel (a missionary training manual), my love of the gospel grew even more, and I started to become even more excited.
By the end of May, I only had two steps left in my mission papers before they were sent off to Church headquarters: my final interview with my bishop and my interview with my stake president. My interview with my bishop was set for Wednesday May 22nd, and I was mixed with a combination of excitement and nervousness. I don't remember most of what we talked about, to be honest, but one question in particular Bishop asked stuck out to me. He asked me, "Are you dating anyone?"
I honestly didn't know how to answer that question. Was I?
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After that movie night on May 9th where Josh held my hand, things didn't quite seem to progress like I had imagined they would. The next day, Josh and I decided to meet up at Porter Park and hang out for a little bit. We went on the swings, walked around, and then sat in the grass and kept talking. While we were talking, Josh got into one of his mini rants when he gets nervous about something. He tends to keep talking for a few minutes until he reaches his main point. The main points of this rant were as follows: he told me that he knew I was going to be a good missionary, but he didn't want me deciding to stay because of him, annnddd he also said that he wasn't sure he was ready to commit to a relationship at this time, and that he wanted to keep casually dating around.
Oh.... Ok....
There wasn't really much I could say except "Ok" and go with it. I couldn't force Josh to be my boyfriend. Boys are stupid.
After talking that weekend, though, we decided to start things simple, and just go on a date and see how things go from there. So on Tuesday before devotional, we went to lunch at this cute little sandwich place called Mill Hollow. While we were eating, I was once again momentarily stunned by just how attractive Josh was - the blue tie he was wearing just made his eyes seem incredibly blue that day, and his smile made me melt a little bit inside. I was just amazed that he wanted to be here with me!
By the end of the week, things were definitely looking much more like I had imagined things would be going after Josh first held my hand a week before. We went to a show on campus together for his birthday and held hands again for most of it. Then on Sunday, we sat in the car after a church meeting for almost an hour talking about some of the most sensitive issues we've ever discussed. He told me about his parents' divorce when he was a senior in high school, and how that affected him. What struck me, though was how that divorce hadn't diminished, but had instead solidified his belief in marriage - that his future marriage could last forever. That stance really struck me, and my liking of him grew infinitely more that day.
Monday, our FHE group decided to hike R mountain. Only a few of us were able to go, but we were still pretty excited. As we were hiking the steep hillside, we noticed some clouds coming towards the mountains, and we knew rain was headed right our way, but instead of turning around, we stubbornly decided to keep hiking. When we got to the top, we realized that we weren't going to make it over to the R before the rain got us, so we headed over for some of the bigger rocks where there were several small caves that a few people could easily fit in. As we scrambled to find some caves, we split up; I followed Josh one way, and my roommates and Todd went another way. Josh and I found a cave that looked like it was big enough, and we had just enough time to get inside before the rain started pouring down.
Our cave wasn't quite big enough for the both of us, and so to make it more comfortable, Josh put his arm around me. I wasn't going to complain about the situation :) We lay there for a good 15-20 minutes talking about camping and times we had been caving before. It just felt so nice, being there with him - I didn't want it to end! Once again, I had a smile from ear to ear.
But all of these events still left me with no definitive indication of what Josh wanted to do. I could guess what he was thinking, but guessing wasn't going to do me any good in this situation. So, two days after that R Mountain climb, as I sat in Bishop's office, when he asked me if I had a boyfriend, I replied back (almost feeling like I was lying), "No, I don't."
But over the break between semesters in April, I jumped full force back into the mission-mobile. I got my dental examination and set up my physical examination at the Student Health Center on campus for the first day of the semester. I was also in a Mission Prep class for Spring semester, and I was really excited for it! One of my new roommates was also taking the class, and another, a returned missionary herself, told me after only knowing me for a few days that she thought I was going to be a great missionary. My mission prep class quickly became one of my favorite classes. As I studied the scriptures and Preach My Gospel (a missionary training manual), my love of the gospel grew even more, and I started to become even more excited.
By the end of May, I only had two steps left in my mission papers before they were sent off to Church headquarters: my final interview with my bishop and my interview with my stake president. My interview with my bishop was set for Wednesday May 22nd, and I was mixed with a combination of excitement and nervousness. I don't remember most of what we talked about, to be honest, but one question in particular Bishop asked stuck out to me. He asked me, "Are you dating anyone?"
I honestly didn't know how to answer that question. Was I?
_____________________________________________________
After that movie night on May 9th where Josh held my hand, things didn't quite seem to progress like I had imagined they would. The next day, Josh and I decided to meet up at Porter Park and hang out for a little bit. We went on the swings, walked around, and then sat in the grass and kept talking. While we were talking, Josh got into one of his mini rants when he gets nervous about something. He tends to keep talking for a few minutes until he reaches his main point. The main points of this rant were as follows: he told me that he knew I was going to be a good missionary, but he didn't want me deciding to stay because of him, annnddd he also said that he wasn't sure he was ready to commit to a relationship at this time, and that he wanted to keep casually dating around.
Oh.... Ok....
There wasn't really much I could say except "Ok" and go with it. I couldn't force Josh to be my boyfriend. Boys are stupid.
After talking that weekend, though, we decided to start things simple, and just go on a date and see how things go from there. So on Tuesday before devotional, we went to lunch at this cute little sandwich place called Mill Hollow. While we were eating, I was once again momentarily stunned by just how attractive Josh was - the blue tie he was wearing just made his eyes seem incredibly blue that day, and his smile made me melt a little bit inside. I was just amazed that he wanted to be here with me!
By the end of the week, things were definitely looking much more like I had imagined things would be going after Josh first held my hand a week before. We went to a show on campus together for his birthday and held hands again for most of it. Then on Sunday, we sat in the car after a church meeting for almost an hour talking about some of the most sensitive issues we've ever discussed. He told me about his parents' divorce when he was a senior in high school, and how that affected him. What struck me, though was how that divorce hadn't diminished, but had instead solidified his belief in marriage - that his future marriage could last forever. That stance really struck me, and my liking of him grew infinitely more that day.
Monday, our FHE group decided to hike R mountain. Only a few of us were able to go, but we were still pretty excited. As we were hiking the steep hillside, we noticed some clouds coming towards the mountains, and we knew rain was headed right our way, but instead of turning around, we stubbornly decided to keep hiking. When we got to the top, we realized that we weren't going to make it over to the R before the rain got us, so we headed over for some of the bigger rocks where there were several small caves that a few people could easily fit in. As we scrambled to find some caves, we split up; I followed Josh one way, and my roommates and Todd went another way. Josh and I found a cave that looked like it was big enough, and we had just enough time to get inside before the rain started pouring down.
Our cave wasn't quite big enough for the both of us, and so to make it more comfortable, Josh put his arm around me. I wasn't going to complain about the situation :) We lay there for a good 15-20 minutes talking about camping and times we had been caving before. It just felt so nice, being there with him - I didn't want it to end! Once again, I had a smile from ear to ear.
As I thought about the events of the past week, I couldn't help but notice that Josh hadn't gone on any other dates since he had told me that he wanted to keep casually dating (and I would know, we had spent almost every day together since then). But I didn't want to pressure him into anything, so I just kept waiting for him to figure things out and let me know what was going on in his head. He apologized and thanked me a few times for being patient with him.
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