The Story of Us - Part 14

I have to admit, I was surprised but not necessarily happy that Josh had texted me. Just confused. He was happy that I had come? And watched him sit on the sidelines all afternoon? He had barely spoken to me the whole time! But when he apologized for not being very talkative, the beginnings of frustration with him washed away. I still wasn't completely happy with him, but it was still nice that he had apologized.

We kept chatting for a little bit longer, and by the time we said goodnight, I wasn't entirely sure what was going to happen when I saw him next in a couple of days. Maybe we were just going to be friends forever, nothing more.

But despite my confused feelings for Josh, there was no way for me to avoid him to figure them out, because once I got back to Rexburg on Sunday, we ended up seeing each other essentially every day that week. Monday was FHE. Tuesday, he sat by me at devotional, and then walked me to work at the Student Health Center before heading home. Wednesday night, Josh and Todd came over just to hang out with my roommates and I. Josh and I ended up sitting on the cough together, and our hands ended up right next to each other, basically touching. My roommate Aleesa's face mirrored the mini-freak out that was happening inside me. I lost track of what we were even talking about as I struggled to keep control over my breathing and to not make any sudden movements. Was he going to hold my hand???

No, no he wasn't.

After the boys left, Aleesa exploded, saying, "You were so close!!" I kind of laughed it off, but I was now even more confused then ever. Our hands were so close. He hadn't grabbed my hand, but he hadn't pulled away his hand either...

The next day, Thursday, I had made plans for Josh and Todd to come over and watch a movie with my roommates and I after I went to The Piano Guys concert with my brother. On my way home from the concert that night (which was amazing, by the way), I stopped by Josh's apartment, and he walked with me the rest of the way home. Todd met us over at my place, and we decided to watch The Sorceror's Apprentice. Josh and I sat on one couch, and Todd and one of my roommates sat on the other.

Our hands once again ended up next to each other, and I sat on edge, again trying to be calm, but struggling to do so. It happened all at once - he reached over, spread my fingers apart with his own, and interlocked our fingers. Here is an accurate description of what my heart did:



And here's what my brain did:


So I did the only logical thing my brain could come up with: squeeze Josh's hand really hard so I wouldn't accidentally drop it. But then I realized that I might be squeezing too hard, so I relaxed my grip a little. But what if he thought I didn't want to hold his hand because I wasn't holding it tight enough? So I squeezed it tighter. I'll admit this happened several times.

My dysfunctional brain scrambled to attempt to figure out what I was supposed to do, and here are the thoughts that went through my head: "Ok. What do they do in the movies? She... she puts her head on his shoulder. Yeah, yeah! Ok. Ready. One... two... three..." I then very suddenly flopped my head over on his shoulder.  It wasn't super comfortable, but I was totally blanking on what I was supposed to do. Luckily, Josh did. He let go of my hand and put his arm around me. I had another slight panic moment during this and grabbed his other hand as soon as possible.

We cuddled like that the rest of the movie and I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the night.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Little Baby Steps

Image
Lately, I've been feeling the need to share what Josh and I have been going through. This is very close to my heart, and I haven't wanted to talk about it at all. But over the past few weeks, I've had the feeling in my heart that I need to be more open about it. And I've found that the more I talk about it, the better I feel. I'm not sharing to make you feel sorry for me - that's the last thing I want. I just want you to be able to understand. (I'm going to be very blunt and open, so if you don't want to know all that many personal things about me, you might want to skip this post.) Growing up as the oldest of nine children, I learned from an early age how to care for kids. I helped feed my brother when I was 2, changed my first diaper when I was 8, and by 12, I was babysitting for my parents as well as others in my church. I grew to absolutely love babysitting! I loved getting to be with all these adorable children. And so I went from watching...
Read more

Josh's Thoughts

I guess at this point I should just let you all know, if you’re not interested in hearing the emotional side of Josh Guin, you should stop reading now. (I wouldn’t blame you. I tend to get a little wordy when this happens.) As the first sentence of this post suggests, I’m here to talk about the difficulty of having a baby. Specifically, with my wife and I. I’ve been trying to figure out a good way to cope with it and so far, I really haven’t found anything good. So, here I am at 11:42 pm typing away. I hope that you’ll forgive the scattered nature of this post. I don’t do this sort of thing. Since Alaura and I have started trying to have a child, it has been quite a roller-coaster1 of emotions. As I’m sure many of you have experienced, babies can cause a lot of emotion even before they’re in existence. Happiness, sadness, anger, jealousy, etc. All of these emotions can make life very interesting, to say the least. When I met my wife, she was such a fun loving, caring perso...
Read more

The Story of Us - Part 6

After Josh and I had our little chat, Josh kept trying to invite me to do things for a couple more days, but eventually stopped. He would still come around to my apartment to hang out and would sit with my roommates and I at devotional  and church every week, but it wasn't nearly as awkward as before because I didn't feel that pressure that I did when he was actively asking me on dates. And like I've said before, Josh was a good friend and so I was glad our dates hadn't ruined that completely. And I turned my attention back to figuring out if I was going to go on a mission. My mind was almost constantly going back and forth about it and I was getting more and more confused, and I couldn't figure out why. I talked with my parents about it, prayed about it, studied the scriptures, read talks, and such, but was still having this persistent confusion. Then one night when I was kneeling on my bed saying a prayer before bed, I was praying about mission stuff again, when...
Read more